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the ‘un’feeling

We live our lives in phases. At the end of each phase, we pack our bags, gather our memories and move on. Just like that.

So, this is my last week in college. 3 classes to go, 1 presentation, 2 exams. That’s it. The end of college, the end of student life for me. I’m moving on. And the gravity of it is not hitting me. There is no nostalgia, not yet anyway. I don’t feel a sense of discontinuity that the future promises to bring. The next few years are going to be radically different from the last 20. I know that, and yet, somewhere within, I can’t seem to acknowledge it. I guess it will come with time. Right now, I could equate myself with some cold-hearted soul who is ready to trash the last 3.5 years and never look back. It’s my last week in college and I don’t feel anything. 

I wonder sometimes if things could’ve been different. If I had studied in Delhi (paid 6000 Rs a year, oh my dear money), I would’ve graduated in July this year, and as my friend very aptly put it, escaped the whole damned recession. I’d probably have a job, people would’ve had lower expectations, and there would’ve been much less pressure. Well, who knows? I might just as well have hated my life. Anyway, this is not a time for cognitive dissonance. It’s a time for reminescence. The 3.5 years have done me good. I would do it over again, just for the people I’ve met, the friends I’ve found, the lessons I’ve learnt, the mistakes I’ve made. It still, however, feels like I’m not ready to reminisce just yet, ike it’s not all over yet, like there’s more to come.

Maybe tomorrow will feel differently and more human!

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Hello! I'm Shivya. 7+ years ago, I quit my full-time corporate job and started travelling the world. I gave up my home, sold most of my possessions and embraced the life of a digital nomad. I'm passionate about sustainable tourism, offbeat destinations, solo travel and veganism. If you enjoyed reading this blog post, leave me a comment and let me know. You can also buy a copy of my bestselling book, The Shooting Star. Thanks for joining my adventures virtually! Connect with me on Instagram/Twitter @shivya.

10 Comments

  1. you might get that “un” feeling right now ….. the same I felt when I was given farewell in my school……just let a few weeks past…….and that feeling of losing something will come by , for sure ……

  2. Good luck with your new phase. Every one goes through this in their life and the key is to let go of our past and keep living the present moment. Remember, Always have fun!

  3. Good luck!!! Cry a lot when you leave college. 🙂 I did that and it helps!
    And you will be having this unsettling feeling after leaving which will only go when you settle yourself into another comfortable environment which might be your new work area. Till then get used to it. 🙂

  4. I found that I missed school a lot, but enjoyed college more… So even if I miss college a lot, does that mean I’ll enjoy working more? Probably not, but I guess that’s not a bad way to approach it eh?

  5. Trailblazer says

    I understand the feeling. And you aptly called it an un-feeling.

  6. novice101 says

    Welcome to harsh realities, wish you the very best in starting a new phase in your life. Am sure the grounding you have received from your tertiary education will equip you well to face all eventualities. But remember there are good things and there are bad things. Take them in your strides as both, good and bad, don’t last.

  7. All the best…!!! Don’t have any regrets!! 😀
    Last days of college are always the best! 😀

  8. docmitasha says

    For a long time after I graduated, it didn’t sink in, even after the official ceremony. Only now that I suddenly realize “oh, I’m not going back” or I look at pictures of my juniors and realize I’ve really moved on from that phase, does it really hit me. Now I feel nostalgic and a little sad…at that time I just felt…okay, its over. Just a finality and sense of achievement. I didn’t know what the fuss was all about, but now that its almost been a year I realize that it was the end of an era, and I came away with bitter sweet memories which I will always cherish, and it made me who I am today. I often wondered in the last 9 years or so what it would have been had I stayed in India and stayed with all of you. I will never know. But I think in time I become more and more satisfied with the route I ended up taking…good or bad, its made me who I am!
    Congratulations darling, get set for a whole new era, you will love this one too, but only in retrospect! Haha…isn’t that the irony of life? Always looking into the past and the future, we never truly cherish the present!

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