It’s been a while since I talked about the real stuff that’s been bothering me. The Olympics, Indian news channels, people, are all very well, but I’m pushing aside things that I should really be thinking about. I’m exactly 3 months and 15 days away from graduating. Overwhelming, if one word could sum it up. It’s going to be the end of 3.5 years at college, it feels like the end of an era, and also like a fleeting moment that passed me by with my eyes still shut. The nostalgia is not looming yet, the friendships are still strong, but the future (suddenly?) isn’t looking bright enough. For 3 years, I have been waiting to miraculously discover the trail that my life’s supposed to take. What will I change in the remaining 1/2 of the year (or 3 months, 15 days to be more precise)? Disinterest is giving way to anxiety, and anxiety to fear and hatred. Fear and hatred of my future, of the things that lie ahead for me, of the sell-out that I’m going to become. Disgust is a terrible thing to feel for yourself, and when coupled with extreme lithargia, it turns to this persistently nagging feeling, always eating at a piece of your mind. I’m digressing.
My mind boggling question is simple really, ‘What will I do once I graduate?’
I have to work, thanks to my 3 year bond in Singapore and my million dollar study loan. For one thing, I know I’m running far from my major in Econs after next sem. That leaves me with Marketing, and in a place like Singapore, it’s really not the safest bet. Singapore is raining money and banks are shining, and a good marketing job is as rare as a distinctly seven-colored rainbow.
Besides a decent marketing job (I even lower my expectations from good to decent), there’s so much more I want to do. So much that I want to do for India. I considered giving the Indian Civil Services Exam once I was finished with my bond, but I’ve been talked out of that. Chances are that even if I get into the ICS, my contribution to India will probably be negligible, maybe even negative. So I’m desperately looking for a track, something / someone to lead me, some help, some advice, some suggestions.
3 months, 15 days. Time machine, anyone?