On Life and Detachment: A Conversation With Buddhist Monks in Thailand.

About this post: I spent an afternoon at the Wat Suan Dok Monk Chat in Chiang Mai, Thailand, learning about the Buddhist philosophy on life and detachment. In an attempt to go beyond Buddhist temples in Chiang Mai, the monk chat in Chiang Mai was not only an introduction to Buddhism but also a deeper glimpse into Wat Suan Dok and the life of monks who reside there – an offbeat Chiang Mai experience that I highly recommend!

Being constantly on the road, my perspectives about life and death are also constantly evolving.

In Honduras, among the Garifuna people, I learnt to view death as a celebration; in Uttarakhand, I experienced the joy of living away from man but close to nature. Autumn in New York let me view death through the lens of fall colors; Jordan helped me rediscover our original nomadic way of life.

So I suppose I walked in through the open wooden doors of Wat Suan Dok – a Buddhist temple in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand – looking for a theological perspective on existential questions about life and death. Every afternoon, the university housed at Wat Suan Dok welcomes curious travellers for a “Monk Chat” in Chiang Mai – to interact with Buddhist monks for a short while, who in turn, get a chance to practice their English.

royal park rajapruek, chiang mai attractions, monk chat chiang mai
A monk at the Royal Park Rajapruek in Chiang Mai.

The monks I chatted with, most of them novices and not yet committed to a lifetime of monkhood, were a mixed bunch. One had grown up in Chiang Mai , another on the surrounding countryside, one in Nepal – who happily chatted in Hindi, another in neighboring Laos. Most of them seemed to be in their late twenties or early thirties, and had been asked by their family to study Buddhism.

My mind flooded with questions as I sat there, among the orange-robed monks of Wat Suan Dok. But the day before the Monk Chat in Chiang Mai, I also asked my readers – over on Instagram – if you had any burning questions you wanted me to ask them.

Snippets of the Monk Chat Chiang Mai

Here are all the pearls of wisdom I gathered from my hour-long conversation with the monks:

Does our ambition disconnect us from living in the moment?

After brief pleasantries with the four monks, I delved right in. As someone who often struggles with the fire of ambition within, I was relieved to hear the answer.

According to the monks, our ambition keeps us on our path, pushing us towards our goals. But the key is to not let those ambitions consume us. How? Don’t make yourself or other people miserable in the process. Detach yourself from the end goal, and focus on the happiness that the journey gives you. It’s okay if you don’t achieve something in this lifetime.

Many Buddhist monks and nuns for instance, aspire to attain the roles of scholars, and ultimately enlightenment. But the only way to inch forward towards those life-consuming goals is to not become obsessed with them.

Also read: Unexpected Ways Long Term Travel Has Changed Me

monk chat chiang mai, chiang mai buddhist temple, buddhist monks thailand
A contemplative monk at a Buddhist retreat in Chiang Mai.

How do I accept circumstances I can’t control? (my biggest takeaway from the Monk Chat Chiang Mai)

One word – gratitude. We need to dwell on the good things in our past and present, and be thankful for them. When we realise how much we have to be thankful for, circumstances beyond our control become easier to accept.

Speaking of his own life, one monk shared how he often fretted in his late teenage years about getting married, finding a good wife and raising his children. But after he followed his parents’ will and began studying Buddhism, he had a change of heart. Everyday, he began to dwell on the things he was grateful for and the more he did that, the less he fretted about the future.

Also read: Reflections on Life, Travel and Turning 29

What is your biggest fear?

As we spoke about living more in the present and dwelling less on the future, I wondered what about the future he feared, if anything.

Loss of people close to him, he confessed, perhaps like the rest of us. Such sentiments transcend philosophy, religion, language and borders, and make us all human.

introduction to buddhism chiang mai, chiang mai monk chat, chiang mai buddhism
Worshippers at a giant Buddha statue in Chiang Mai.

How can I begin the journey of finding my purpose on earth?

If you’ve been reading my blog (and especially my rants) for a while, you probably know I’m often plagued by existential questions about my nomadic journey’s purpose. So this was a pertinent question… and deep within, I think I already knew the answer.

Many Buddhists believe that our purpose on earth is to alleviate the suffering of others. Monks aspire to this through their teachings and prayers, but as regular people, you and I can do our little bit too.

How? Be respectful towards the people we interact with daily – the house help, security guards, drivers, cleaners, servers; it’s just a twist of fate that they have much less privileged lives than us. Contribute to organisations that you believe are truly making a difference – either with your money, or with your time and skills.

Here are more ideas on good things we can do in 2018.

What about the suffering of animals? Do you believe in veganism?

The devout vegan I’m turning into, I had to ask 😉

But like most Buddhist monasteries and nunneries I’ve spent time visiting, the answer remained the same (and to me, unconvincing). Since monks rely on other people for donations, they accept everything given to them.

Unconvincing, because in most rural parts of the world, meat is more expensive to buy – and comes at the cost and suffering of an animal. History books have said that Buddha introduced the concept of vegetarianism in India, but it appears that his message was somehow lost in Buddhism’s spread to other parts of Asia.

Also read: Why I Turned Vegan – and What it Means For My Travel Lifestyle

Chiang Mai travel blog, chiang mai things to do, Chiang mai places to visit
Hiking in Chiang Mai leads to places like this <3

Is it fate or free will that controls our life?

A heavy question, but I found the answer to be a near epiphany!

As per Buddhist teachings, how we’ve lived our lives upto today create our present and future circumstances. So our current choices determine our future fate.

Even though I’m acquainted with the concept of karma through Hinduism, I always felt it a bit off that our deeds in our past life, of which there is no scientific proof yet, determine our circumstances in our current life. But even if we assume that we are put on earth and into our current circumstances by fate, I would like to believe that we can mould our future by our present actions and thoughts.

Also see: In Photos: The Countryside of Northern Thailand

There are so many ugly things happening around the world. Should I feel guilty about having a good life?

This question was sort of lost in translation. But from what I gathered, it helps to detach ourselves from both the good and the ugly things, and focus on ways we can make a difference.

Chiang Mai things to do, chiang mai buddism, wat suan dok monk chat
Entrance to an old Buddhist temple in Chiang Mai.

Why are we scared of death?

Every time I hear about the death of someone young, who only lived half a life, I think of my own mortality and it scares me. So I decided to question why.

The monks suggest that we are familiar with life; we think about it all the time and we know what to expect, so we do not fear it. But death is unfamiliar. We drive away thoughts of it, we discourage discussions about it. And the idea of anything unfamiliar is scary.

We need to begin training our minds about death by dwelling upon it everyday. We can think of it as the beginning of another life, not the end of this one. Or we can think of it as a great mystery. But as long we keep thinking about it, we’ll find it easier to accept when it knocks on our door.

monk's trail chiang mai, chiang mai hiking, monk chat chiang mai
Hiking the Monk’s Trail in Chiang Mai.

What are your burning questions about life, death and detachment? What would you ask at the Monk Chat Chiang Mai?

Connect with me on InstagramFacebook and Twitter for more perspectives.

Order a copy of my bestselling book, The Shooting Star.


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  1. Lovely post Shivya, though it sounds a bit philosophical. Also I have found answers to some questions that were bombarding my mind for a long time. Good luck 👍

    1. Shivya Nath says:

      Thanks Sunil! Glad you found some answers too 🙂

  2. john o'brien says:

    One of the biggest problems facing Thai Monks in particular is diabetes.Around a third suffer because of bad diet.Eating whatever they’re given.Unfortunately these days ,it seems, they are given sugary high carb unhealthy foods.Obesity, high cholesterol, diabetes reaching alarming proportions.If you want the results of recent research go to my timeline .

  3. What an amazing insight. Enjoy the journey towards the goal rather than obsessing about the goal itself. Has given me direction!😊

  4. Though the whole post was deep and meaningful but these lines have given me the kick to keep moving :
    Detach yourself from the end goal, and focus on the happiness that the journey gives you.

    I enjoy your travel and writing so much 🙂

  5. You are not just a good writer but a wonderful photographer too. Hope someday you will like to write for us too

  6. Rudranarayana Iyer says:

    Great post Shivya! Enjoyed the reflective nature of this particular post as it addresses some questions of my own. Here’s hoping you find what you are seeking and happy travels all over.

  7. Even the Gita says the same, about Krama. Nicely explained in your own way. Thanks.

  8. Insightful post…I have got inclined towards reading more about Buddhism since I visited monasteries & parts of Dharamshala & Mcleodganj. This article was a reminder of the same ….thanks & nice way of putting it up!!

  9. What a lovely post Shivya! I’m presently pursuing something EXTRA in life so it’s the usual Mukti tasking , lack of sleep , confusion etc. could related so much to this write up!! Looking forward to more

  10. Absolutely loved it!! So many important questions that come to our minds sometimes and as they come, they leave… Because we care too much about living “according to plan” and don’t even take the time to sit with these thoughts and try to recognise what they mean to us 🙂 Thank you for sharing <3

  11. Great post shivya. It answered many of my questions. Thanks for sharing this . I love your blog.😊😊

  12. Insightful Questions Shivya. Thank you for the answers and more views of yours.

  13. Madhuparna says:

    Beautiful post Shivya. Have been following your posts since a couple of months now. With all things happening around, feeling so confused and this was like a breath of fresh air. Keep up the good work.

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  15. Usha Subbiah says:

    Lovely Post, though some questions linger on such as how it is justified to kill a living for ones own satiation, death of your dear one etc I follow Buddhism which has helped me a lot to detach myself from any expectations but still when I read about girls or women being abused, butchering of innocent animals, these teachings don’t stand anywhere. It may be right that it is karma, but I can’t agree just be a mute spectator on seeing the ugly happenings around the world. Even if I raise my voice, whole system is corrupt, can’t help.

  16. Thanks for sharing ….these are questions most of us have …

  17. Disha Gulati says:

    Hi Shivya, I just returned from a month longs trip to Nepal, where I got a chance to visit Lumbini. I came across a very filthy monk there, who looked at me in a weird way and I didn’t get good vibes at all. I have believed a lot in Buddha’s preaching, but since then I haven’t been able to connect myself with monks.

  18. Ritu Menon says:

    Loved every aspect you have written about …interesting how you have connected your travels to different aspects of life and learnings from them….you’re blessed !

    Look forward to your next writings and learnings of life through yours.

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